Post by harley on May 6, 2010 22:17:12 GMT -5
Brittany !
[/size][/color][/blockquote]I’m a music junkie, an art addict, and I’m in love rehab. I’m a letter writer, and I’m scared of everything. I’m attracted to imperfections. I’m thoughtful. I’m insecure, yet confident. Happy, yet sad. Asleep, yet awake. Lost, but found. Here, but there. I’m mad at you, you piece of crap. I’m missing them, those lovely people, those lovely times. I’m missing you too, I guess. I’m looking for answers, but I’m not trying that damn hard. I’m in like with you. I’m the sun. I’m the moon. I’m the stars. I’m freaking Saturn. I’m quiet, though I have so much to say. I’m free, but I’m enslaved. I’m better than nothing, I’m less than something. I’m impossible. I’m a distraction. I’m a scarecrow. I’m tears. I’m smiles. I’m memories. I’m good. I’m bad. I’m in the freaking middle of everything. I’m him. I’m her. I’m us. I’m you too, idiot. I’m me. I’m excited. I’m a book. I’m a journal. I’m secrets. I’m empty freaking pages. I’m never going to say no to you. I’m never going to say yes to them. I’m all alone, but I’m not. I’m a friend. I’m seventeen. I’m twenty-three. I’m ageless. I’m creative. I’m boring. I’m forgetful. I’m memorizing. I’m crawling. I’m walking. I’m running. I’m flying. I’m dying. I’m living. I’m seeing. I’m being. I’m a sad excuse for a human. I’m complicated. I’m confused. I’m confusing. I’m trying to please. I’m trying to disappoint. I’m needy. I’m independent. I’m civilized, but I’m such a freaking animal. I’m with them, or I’m not. I’m reading. I’m writing. I’m observing. I’m still in the middle of everything. I’m starving. I’m thriving. I’m all sorts of freaking weird. I’m calm and collective. I’m outraged and outgoing. I’m outspoken. I’m drawing the line. I’m crossing it. I’m on the fence. I’m imperfect. I’m just right. I’m so wrong. I’m opinionated. I’m hopeless. I’m falling more and more as I’m freaking climbing this piece of crap that I’m calling life. And still, I’m in the god damn middle of every freaking thing.
My head is always a horrible place to be, unless you're like, a chaos junkie of some sort. I think more than most people. The topic of death recently makes me shake in my boots (you know, if I wore boots). Is that normal? It doesn't seem normal. I really don't know why it's happening. Whatever. Heterochromia of the iris is beautiful. If I ever find a person with this, I WILL be marrying them, boy or girl. I remember when I was little, my aunt's friend had a ratty little dog named Raggedy. She had one blue eye and one brown eye. I loved her. I try to write. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But I try. You know that song that you hear for the first time and you can feel your whole body being lifted up and away? Almost like the only two things left in existence are you and that song? And then you can play it over and over and over again and it just gets a little better every single time? Well that's my favorite song. My second favorite feeling. I kind of wish I could have lived in the Renaissance period, minus the grossness, of course. I have obsessions. I have addictions. Most of them are music-related. I like obscene and vulgar things. Is it weird that I'm afraid of upside down crosses? Even though I don't believe in what they represent? I don't know. I get an uneasy feeling when I see them. I find it hard to say no to people. I wish everyone still wrote letters to people instead of text messages and e-mails and phone calls. Letters are so much nicer. There are a lot of people that I wish I could've gotten to know better, but I didn't. Shame. I always feel like I'm missing something, but I can never figure out what it is. I drink hot tea like it's a religion or something and Earl Gray is my God. If I could, I would most definitely marry Peter Pan. You. Don't. Even. Know. I'm not sure what's going on with my life right now, so don't ask. The only thing I can see clearly in my future is myself behind a camera. I've got nine to the sixty-seventh things to say to you, but I'm too scared to even say the first thing that comes to mind. Even if I know that everything I feel will always be so true, I can't assure myself that this will all end up just like that kind. You know, the kind I'm looking for when it comes to stuff like this. Oh well, I guess this will be just another scratch on the list of things I miss. I'm too kind. If you need me to, I'll stay here all night with you until you're okay. I find myself becoming attached to people too quickly. I'm way too tiny to have a heart this big. Oh, and before I forget to mention it, she was right; I'm always going to need your presence in my life. Without it, it's not really a life at all. On a more pleasant note, I'm looking at a picture of Louise Ebel right now. She's it. Not sure what "it" is, but she's just that. I want someone to write me a poem. I haven't gotten one of those in a while. Whoa! I've finally figured it out. LOL. I'm just joking. Hm. I picture everything in my mind. And when I listen to a song, I play it like a movie in my head. I can't help it. I like too many things. Smart people (Nice ones. Not cocky ones). Art (Any and all forms of it). Boys (Tattooed, pierced, gauged, dread locked). Photography (Yes, I'm going to school for it). The color blue (Preferably navy blue). Music (I like folk bands. They're cute). Flapjack (It's the best show ever. Don't argue). Texting (I do it too much, I think). Shows (I go for the music and the environment). Hugs (They always make me feel better). Writing (I don't get to do it much, but I love it). Reading (I read anything and everything). And you [sometimes] (because, how could I not?). One time I wished I could live in a doll house, but now I realize how ridiculous that would be. I need every day to be a weekend. Sometimes I think I might think about you just a little too much. Hope you don't mind. I want to be Marie Antoinette for Halloween. I better start looking for a bird cage to put in my hair. Don't you hate when feelings that you thought were gone just decide to come back? I just want to leave and never come back. I want to take some people with me, leave a lot of people behind, and meet new people along the way. I've noticed that I never once hated you, even though I should have. You might not know Tren, Hannah, Sierra, and Kyle, but they're pretty much the coolest kids I know. Google it. The 50 item limit on Polyvore really makes me want to die. Someone once told me that grizzly bears can dance, but they choose to keep it a secret. It makes me wonder about a lot of things. Chances are, if you have facial hair, I'm going to like you. I used to have one of those turtle sand boxes. I really miss it. I also miss flex with Kristen. I need to have lunch with her soon. I really hate when my pillow isn't cold, and even more than that, I hate when I don't have a pillow to hold onto when I'm trying to sleep. I dream a lot. I want them all to come true, but it hasn't happened yet. I remember a lot of stuff that most people wouldn't. Sometimes the best memories are of the things that never really mattered before. I need to get a job. I really need to clean my room. I really really need to stop expecting so much out of everything and everyone. Maybe? Who knows. Me and this one kid were thinking one day, and we realized that we're all just taking up a seat. We aren't relevant. We aren't noticed. We're just there. Taking up a seat. I don't really like animal crackers... Or jello. They make me gag every time I try to eat them. I need to leave. You can't stay in the same place forever. Fly or die. Can you do me a favor? Turn my heart into a butterfly, please.
Over and over and over and I'm out.
