what an idiot (tag: asa)

[asahria ryek']

..

Pushing a branch aside from the path, Asahria couldn’t help but to notice its bare exterior. The tree once so decorated in its foliage now lay vulnerable and exposed to the cruel, frigid air. Often when her thoughts had turned to the forest she had been fascinated by the thought of what lie hiding in the shadows, lurking in the depths of those dark haunted trees. Now though, amidst their branches she was finding herself painstakingly disappointed. Winter had stripped the forest bare of its intrigue and left it open and vulnerable before her. It was not so unlike herself. This past winter had stripped away her confidence, her sense of self. She too, was a as vulnerable as the open forest which lay before her.

She wondered how that would change in the passing months. Shed of her prior life would she grow anew or would she wither and die, weakened from the bitter cold. Asahria shuddered at the thought, starting anew scared her, but she was beginning to wonder if she had any other choice. Unlike the trees which surrounded her she had chosen to shed of her exterior and take a different path. She had brought on her own vulnerability and because of it she had been cold. She’d isolated herself in winter’s cool grasp. While the forest would accept new life, Asahria wasn’t sure she was ready. She’d left her life behind and for months it’d been haunting her, but even still she could not forget those she’d left behind. Starting anew didn’t seem so easy.

Even while she’d never spent enough time with Noemi to amount to anything, Asahria knew that wandering off into the forest with Noemi wasn’t her desperately seeking for something new. Even wandering into the forest couldn’t account for regrowth. Asahria bit her lip, turning her blue eyes on the girl as she stepped over a fallen log, wondering if she should really voice it all or just let it rest unspoken. Noemi was connected to Charlton, just as this forest was. As much as she wanted to deny it, Asahria knew that she’d not moved on. She wasn’t ready too. She’d desperately cling to anything she had left of him even if it meant never having him back. She’d led herself into winter’s cod, dark grasp and she didn’t see herself finding a way out.

Too much. She noted simply, stopping as Noemi continued her speech. She didn’t disagree with the girl, but after everything she wasn’t sure she trusted herself to leave her life in the hands as something as fickle as fate. I’m not saying you’re wrong… She paused momentarily, pulling her hair from a branch which had snagged it in her passing. A year ago I might have told you that I believe things will work out regardless of our actions, but I don’t think that’s true. Sometimes I think we need to interfere to get what we want. Even if it’s fates designed plan. She shrugged, looking at the girl questioningly as if to ask if what she was saying made sense. There were things in her life she was certain were fated, but just because fate brought you something didn’t mean it was going to stay there if you didn’t work for it.

I suppose fate has brought me many things, some of which I lost, because I was so stubborn to think it’d always be there. Some of which she could not help. But I was wrong. I’m stubborn and foolish. I thought fate would somehow solve things, but instead it seems to have taken everything I care about. I can’t blame it for my mother’s death or the fact the person I cared about most lost his memory. She said shrugging casually. They happen and perhaps that was destiny pushing me to grow, but instead I’ve been waiting for things to work themselves out. Like I said… it’s foolish. Sighing she stifled her voice, surprised at what all had come out. Here she was sharing some of her deepest regrets with a girl she hardly knew, but held some connection for her. Philosophical, being an understatement. I’m sorry, you probably didn’t need to know all of that. She said, turning her eyes again on the shrunken trees.