quelqu'un m'a dit

[rowan elliot]

DEAR DIARY,
(humpernickle) It has been a long time, my dear old diary. In fact, I have lost you so many times, I wonder what my family must think everytime they find yet another partially completed journal of mine. Probably that I'm being my typical careless self. It's not like I can help maintain the mess that is the hundreds of things that fall under my possession. Besides, as you know better than anyone, my head is too full and crazy to keep everything under control, especially minor things such as my journals. Maybe I should be worried about the people who find my incomplete diaries knowing my deep and personal thoughts, as light and dark as they may be, but honestly, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it should. I think that recently, I've been too tired to care what people think of me. I've never really been one to rub people the right way and it has come to the point where I've stopped caring. How have you been recently, dear old diary? I'm not too sure how I've been. Living day to day, I guess. 


It's been over a year since I've been here, at Beauxbatons and I wonder how much things have changed. I wonder how many familiar faces I'll see. I also must admit this isn't the first time I've disappeared into thing air and every time I come, it doesn't seem like much has changed. Perhaps the true magic of Beauxbatons is that it is frozen in time, never changing. It wouldn't be the strangest thing I've ever heard about. This past year I stayed with Aspen, I just couldn't handle school anymore or the environment and so, I had to get out. And not go home to Mama and Papa, there was no way I could face them. Things just have been so off with my parents recently, it's clear that I'm a disappointment in their eyes. I'm the most average of the children, it only makes sense. Staying with Aspen was really refreshing, helping take care of Laurentin was such a joy and it almost made me excited to have children of my own one day. I felt bad leaving just as Aspen was starting her third trimester with her second child, but it just felt right. I mean, sooner or later I had to go back to school. 

I hope that I'm able to tough out this year. I hope I'm able to stop being so offputting to others. But at the same time, there isn't much I can do if it is simply my personality. We'll see how things go, I suppose. I hope everything works out. But I mean, if not I can always run away from my problems, like I always do. It wouldn't be much of a surprise to anyone. I think people have come to expect nothing but disappointment from me and I'm only more than happy to oblige. How ironic, the only expectation I live up to is the expectation that I'll be a disappointment. I'll report back as soon as possible on how things are going. Maybe things will be easier this time, maybe I'll actually make a friend or two. Who knows. 

- ROWAN