the dream again, nobody understands ‘

[, scarlett bennet .]

, what’s the fascination
WITH LOVERS AT THE STATION, YOU HAVE TO TEAR YOURSELF AWAY

Dearest Asahria,

I apologise for my absence quite sincerely, however, Beauxabtons can now be called my home once again, therefore, I’d love for you to meet me at the oak tree this evening, at seven, for a stroll and a catch up, if that is preferable to you. I’ve missed you dearest. Hope to see you shortly,

Love, Scarlett

It was simplicity at its best. A letter to a friend, the art of correspondence sealed with a waxed dollop branded with her family crest, as was done with most Pureblooded families. The ‘B’ was stark and at full attention, whilst there were intricate swirls and dashes surrounding it, giving the seal a decidedly magnificent appeal. The appearance of the seal was somewhat bittersweet to the blonde; as it did usually imply a letter from her mother, including scathing gossip and directions on which social events to attend, and what should be worn to such things. It usually procured a most significant rolling of the eyes and a smile, so small, that it was merely a twitch of the lips, before it was gone. But now, there would be no more letters. No more cursive set by her mother’s hand, and although she may have jested before, the mere thought of not receiving such a letter again, made her heart break all over again. It was the small things. Those little everyday things that stuck with her, and by Merlin, she hurt. She hurt all over. But she went on, as she was expected to, a pleasant look upon her delicate features, her tone delectable and friendly to all, whereas, if questioned, she would surely crumble. Perhaps school had come too soon for her, for her grief was still all too near. She was tender, and if her spirit was prodded, she would bleed; she would bleed sorrow for the woman who she never quite understood and would never see again. Her funeral had been shrouded by the grey of clouds, but the sun shone a magnificent golden yellow as the daffodils kissed the smooth wood of her coffin; the last resting place of Mrs Bennet.

She had been saddened by the bright cheerful nature of such flowers, but, on the next occasion she stumbled across such a bloom; warmth flooded her chest, a delightful reprieve from the cool hollowness that had quieted her heart. Oh how she wanted to write to him. She would have quoted Keats and he would have known. My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains my sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk. But she did not place pen against paper. The blonde merely sought refuge in a familiar place, as she had during her childhood, in the company of her books and the fictional friends that they provided for her. She became enveloped in the stories, as scenery and character arc’s passed her by, imprinting her skin with their invisible touch, but she could feel it; she could feel the indentations of each word press against her pale skin; those stories were a part of her. The paper bound souls comforted her like a sibling, providing for her a certain warmth of familiarity; an escape from a world which had been so unkind in its ways. She sighed softly, as she often did, her breath gentle but the cloud of cold that escaped her lips would perhaps imply a more ferocious nature, but it was merely just quite cold. She liked the cold, it reminded her that she could feel, that the numbness could be thawed, and she could take upon the same approach towards the coolness within her chest. She was stood tall, tall against the firm ground, but dwarfed by the epic nature of the bare branches, which stooped high and low, almost to greet those closer to the ground. With the cold nipping at the exposed skin, the student began to think of her friend, one she had not seen for a while, and since she had returned, whispers told her that the Rouerie was indeed, still a member of the prestigious school. The relief swelled over her as soon as she heard, it made her eyes glimmer the way they used to, before previous events had taken place. Oh, how she missed her. She missed them all. She missed Beauxbatons. It had been home once, and now, as she slowly, but almost determinedly paced along a patch of frosted grass, the heels of her boots muffled, but still discernable, she longed for conversation and tales of old days. She longed for the comfort of an old friend.


---- outfit `` x
---- words `` seven six eight
---- notes `` hope its okay, sweetie
---- tags `` ria babe <3

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[asahria ryek']

if people were rain
i was a drizzle and she was a hurricane

It was hard to believe that the face staring back at her from the mirror was her own. For months she’d avoided her own reflection, afraid of what she might find there – hurt, pain, disappointment. It was all there lingering beneath surface, she was sure of it and she couldn’t bear to see those emotion etched in the frail features of her face, especially when she knew them to have been of her own making. Her mother’s death had been a part of fate’s cruel plan and the only one of her sorrows that couldn’t have been escaped. The rest though had been her fault. Misery in the making and she was her own producer. Sighing, her eyes searched the cornflower blues reflected back at her, looking for answers she couldn’t be sure were there. Even no she could not be sure what stayed her hand. She’d had every opportunity to let everyone know why she’d been gone. She hadn’t though, she’d given no reason at all and because of it she’d lost everything – most importantly she’d lost him.

These emotions had been hidden somewhere in the dark recesses of her mind, a secret place. Asahria had been forcing away all of her troubles since she’d returned. At least she’d been trying her very best too. The lilted smile on her face seemed genuine enough, but she knew beneath it all it was as fake as the person she was becoming. Looking at herself in the mirror she knew that she was the same person, nothing would ever change that. Her heart would always belong to Charlton and she would never be able to act this part forever. She was not carefree, not then and certainly not now. Just as she’d never been able to find joy in short lasting relationships. Letting people go had never been a strength of hers, but since she’d left everyone before, she found herself leaving people like it were a game. It was the only thing that seemed normal to her. If no one had stuck around for her, why should she be the one continually falling?

Asahria wiped away a tear as she turned from the mirror, unable to decipher the current of emotions. As much as she wanted to care she had grown to believe that she could not. It was her own fault really, but she had so hoped that someone would be here waiting for her on her return. No one had, they’d all gone. Even Charlton, the one she’d wanted above all had given up her, but how could she blame him. Leaving the bathroom, she smoothed the edges of her dress as she took a seat on the bed. She’d done her very best to keep herself out in the open and out of the small confines of her room, yet here she was caged inside once more. A sudden tap at the window drew her attention from her otherwise silent cage. Her blue eyes met the form of a small tawny owl, it’s wings spread as it tapped once more, an impatient urgency in its orblike eyes. Nearly stumbling over herself to get to the window she snatched a few treats from her bedside table, she’d had them there lately as she’d been doing frequent correspondence with the staff back at home, to be sure her father was taking care of himself. Much like herself he’s lost all abandon since her mother’s death, things had changed for all of them.

Opening the window she offered the owl a treat, before moving to untie the small parcel from its leg. She wondered what news they could be sending from home – she doubted it was anything pleasant. Nothing from home ever was. Asahria watched the owl take off, wishing that flight were so easy. Though it was something else for birds, she reckoned they returned to the ones they loved. She on the other hand had simply abandoned them. Turning her eyes to the seal she was surprised to see it was not from home, the implicit B on the seal belonging to none of her correspondence. Curiously she pulled at the seal, wincing as the wax shattered. She’d always hated breaking a seal, they were such lovely things so easily destroyed.

Dearest Asahria,

I apologise for my absence quite sincerely, however, Beauxabtons can now be called my home once again, therefore, I’d love for you to meet me at the oak tree this evening, at seven, for a stroll and a catch up, if that is preferable to you. I’ve missed you dearest. Hope to see you shortly

Love, Scarlett

The words on the page caused her heart to skip a beat. Scarlett was here. There had been rumors that the girl, much like herself had disappeared and this short note was verification. Asahria suddenly wandered if her dear friend had known that she too had been absent in the passing months. It was like she’d received a ray of sunshine. Scarlett was one of the few who’d ever truly understood her, maybe she would be the light which could lead her from this dark tunnel. Perhaps, but Asahria was not sure she was ready to escape it. Ready to take on the pain again. Glancing at her watch she noticed it was nearly seven. Picking up her shoes she placed them hastily on her shoes, glad for the ready escape from her dormitory. Asahria found that she looked forward to this meeting with joy at heart. It meant so much more that Scarlett had sought her out everything was not lost.

Just as the oak tree fell into her vision, so did the blonde, pacing her way back and forth in the cool, crisp air. Asahria couldn’t allow herself to get any closer before calling out in delight. Scarlett! She could feel her pace quickening as she rushed into the girls arms, wrapping them tight against her close form. I’m so glad to know you’ve returned. I’ve desperately needed your company. She whispered, smiling a smile that was surely genuine. There is far too much we need to discuss, for the both of us I’m sure.

---- outfit `` here
---- words `` one oh three oh
---- notes `` of course, mine will get better. hopefully
---- tags ``lovely lettie

[, scarlett bennet .]

, what’s the fascination
WITH LOVERS AT THE STATION, YOU HAVE TO TEAR YOURSELF AWAY

She had found herself sat at her desk for most of the day, staring out the window, or what could be construed as a window. She was sure that it was some phantasm of a window, allowing light in, but not that cool breeze that one associated with the wonderful outdoors. Seeing as it was a magical school, all of the windows must have been charmed to reflect the weather outside, but where she was looking out upon, she wasn’t certain. There was that frosted green, the blades of grass short, the ground hard, but they still held a certain sliver of silver upon them, clinging to winter’s chill, almost unwilling to let Spring take its place. The room, which she shared with Chloe, her fellow Sournois, had been empty of anyone but herself for a while, and she wondered what it was that people with friends were doing right at that moment. The blonde still felt somewhat alienated from the rest of her student population, although surely, she later reasoned, that it was within her own head, as all the people that she had encountered since she had returned had been more than happy to see her. Her first reaction to such a notion was mostly surprise, as was quite evident; as the arched blonde eyebrows of hers had raised themselves quite severely in shock at the welcoming nature of many. She expected to be a pariah of sorts, she amusedly thought later to herself. She tended to keep her thoughts to herself, as opposed to sharing them with those that she counted close to herself, as after all, she had kept herself to herself for quite some time before returning to school. It had become almost a second nature to herself – to hide herself away, to prevent her family from seeing the pain, or other emotions upon her facial features. She was stoic. She may as well had been carved from a block of marble for those endless months that she spent within the Bennet estate, which although it extended for many dozens of acres, it still felt constricting.

The days following her mothers ill departure from the world, the blonde was either locked in her room, devouring book after book, only pausing to eat, or converse when she was spoken to; otherwise, she spent her time outside, walking through the many fields and forests surrounding the estate, crossing babbling brooks and stone walls encrusted with moss. She had felt safe within the recesses of her mind, whether inside or out. It was a sanctuary of hers when she needed it most. It was within those forests and fields that she had let go of her true emotions, and she was sure, if the trees could have spoken or moved, they would have consoled her trembling frame or wept at the sheer pain erupting for the poor blonde student... or former student, at that point in her life. She had missed school, missed her past life, and above all, she missed her mother, and how she used to instruct her upon her former life. Which friends to make, what to wear, who to dance with at the numerous balls held at the Academy – she accepted all of these comments, but paid no mind to them, as after all, she was her own person, she could befriend and dance with whomever she willed. But her mother would never tell her what to do again. She wouldn’t be able to tell her anything. It was the familiarity that she missed – the lilting voice in the morning, or the elegant hand written in navy ink upon perfectly starched parchment. She missed the things she didn’t even know had mattered to her.

The desk she had occupied for most of the day was now forgotten as she stood at the foot of the great oak tree upon the grounds. She hurt. All of her did. Her heart had been broken when she’d left. It broke when she’d been unable to write to him, and even more when she received nothing from him in return, and it broke once again, when her mother had died… when Mrs Bennet had ceased. Her father was suffering from a broken heart. His hand would rest over his chest as if its presence could heal what lay underneath. She had a broken heart, but her whole body ached with the loss of everything she’d known. But she would not cry any longer. She had grown tired of the motion. The way her eyes would be rimmed with redness when she stopped, and the way her skin became blotchy and pink. She had had enough. She grew tired of it all. It was the call of her name that broke her out of her revere, and then she smiled. Truly smiled. Her feet moved before she had time to fathom it herself, but the two blondes embraced, arms going to hug the other person closer, as if reacquainting themselves, reaffirming their friendship. “I have needed your company so badly my dear” she told her in reply, Scarett’s arms still wrapped firmly around Asahria. She was right. Her friend knew her far too well. They had much to discuss. “Time may have brought about many things, but it feels so familiar to be here with you again” Scarlett told her, slowly relinquishing her grasp upon her fellow blonde, before looping her arm through Asahria’s, and directing them both towards a path around the Lake. “You look more beautiful than the last time I saw you” she said, smiling widely at her friend, feeling warmth at the familiarity of their conversation and friendship. “How have you been? Has some deserving gentleman won your heart yet” she inquired with a teasing smile, her eyes full of delight at having her friend close to her once more. “I hope that everything has gone well for you since I… since I left” the flaxen haired student told her friend, her features thoughtful and sincere. She had missed her dearly. She may have taken solace within the quiet reams of words filling each page of her chosen volume, but there was nothing like being back at Beauxbatons, and spending time with someone that you adored.


---- outfit `` x
---- words ``one oh four one
---- notes `` i love them <3
---- tags `` ria babe <3

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[asahria ryek']

if people were rain
i was a drizzle and she was a hurricane

It felt like she had stepped out of reality. It was like she’d spent days caught up in some whirlwind novel and she was for the first time stepping back into reality. It was that place somewhere in between, where every occurrence seemed strangely illuminated, as is if it too were all just part of the story. Somehow, as real as she was, seeing Scarlett here on the grounds beneath the giant oak seemed a figment of her imagination. It was hard to believe that this was taking place and was actually a tangible moment in time and space. Scarlett wasn’t a character from her favorite novel. Yet the length of time which had lapsed, with so many words left unspoken between the two of them, made this feel very much like a fairy tale – embellished with some beautiful ending. Two best friends reunited. The gap between them bridged with nothing more than a few words scrawled neatly on parchment.

It seemed like an eternity, all in a single moment, the two blondes tight in their embrace. Ever since her return to the palace Asahria had felt isolated. She supposed that a lot of it was her own fault, but she’d thought she had no other choice. After her return, Asahria had been quick to realize that the ones she’d been closest too had also disappeared from the palace walls. Charlton had left not long after her own absence and still was nowhere to be found. Both Leah and Scarlett, who’d left mere weeks before her had still been absent upon her return. The ones who had meant the most to her were all gone. It had seemed that she’d had nowhere else to turn. Being one that was so closed in her emotions, it’d been devastating to come back to a place devoid of her only company. She hadn’t known what to expect, but some part of her had been hoping that they’d be here waiting on her return. That small spark of hope had been quickly diminished upon her actual arrival. Still there had been no word from Scarlett or Leah – then of course not a trace of Charlton.

It seemed now though, that she was finally being given reason to hope again. She’d come across Leah only days ago in the kitchens. She’d basically laid her heart on a platter, admitting things to her dear friend that she’d never spoken aloud to anyone. Not even Charlton. Now here again she was comforted by the embrace of one of her closest and dearest friends. She let her head rest on Scarlett’s shoulder, not yet ready to pull away as she spoke. As I’ve needed yours. You been away far too long, though I admit I only just returned. I really should have sought you out sooner. I have missed you dearly. She agreed. Even though there had been an immeasurable silence between the two of them, Asahria did not feel awkward in Scarlett’s presence. If anything she felt only comfort. The kind of comfort only a friend can truly offer. The kind of comfort which she had been lacking for so long.
I couldn’t have said it ore perfectly myself. She said sweetly, pulling away to look at her friend. Even in all their time apart she could see that the Scarlett hadn’t really changed, not on the outside. Whatever had taken her from the palace hadn’t taken away from her stunning physical attributes. Scarlett was just as lovely as she had always been. Beneath the surface she was sure something had changed, one couldn’t be away fro that long without having been changed in some shape or form. Scarlett was readjusting just as she was. Lettie, you are far too kind. She whispered, taken aback by the compliment. She had been surprised at her own image in the mirror only a few hours before. She felt as though she looked tired and worn, as could be expected.

Things could be better, honestly. I guess I should tell you that I’ve been absent nearly as long as you. Her words were shy. She knew that the absences had not been easy for them both. Scarlett’s demeanor alone told her that the absence had been a wearing experience for herself. Things have been hard since I returned. So many people have been gone, but I’m so glad to be back in your company, but tell me of yourself? What of your absence? Her words were cautious, hoping she wasn’t stepping on any broken glass. She didn’t want to immediately bring all of their pain into the light. Gentlemen happen to be off the table. I’ve been a wreck. She admitted, honesty in her voice. It didn’t manage to cover the hurt. I’ve made a bit of a mess in my time away it seems. It’s alright though, perhaps this will be a new start.


---- outfit `` here
---- words `` eight one six
---- notes `` they are simply exquisite
---- tags ``lovely lettie

[, scarlett bennet .]

, what’s the fascination
WITH LOVERS AT THE STATION, YOU HAVE TO TEAR YOURSELF AWAY

There weren’t really words for what she was feeling. She felt safe enveloped within the arms of her friend. There was a certain familiarity, and it felt reassuring. Familiarity was what she needed. The academy proved as such. She had felt more at home within those halls, than she had back in her country; perhaps it was due to her mother’s illness, which had almost managed to seep into the walls, blackening its imagine within her mind, as she would now forever think of it as the place where her mother, Mrs Bennet had left them. Left them all. But she felt safe again; safe within the walls, and next to her friend. She looked different; perhaps more mature, but still as sweet as ever. There was something within her eyes that her aged her; given her a wisdom that most others their age did not possess, but there was something there, a flicker within those orbs that Scarlett did not recognise, a pain there that she was unfamiliar with. Something had to have changed, as the reason her friend had been taken away from the school had to have affected her in some way or another – there was a shadow that covered them both, perhaps for different reasons, but perhaps they were similar after all. Scarlett shook her head at her friend’s words, as she in return should have sought out those that meant the most to her; but she didn’t. Not Asahria, not Layla, not Gene, not Yuki, not Kabriel, and not even him. He would haunted all of her dreams with his presence with a flash of blue orbs and that smirk, one which used to weaken her knees and make her smile the smile she reserved only for him. Used to reserve only for him. But he wasn’t there anymore. She had left, and so had he. She hoped, for his sake, that he did not return. She didn’t want to see him as she suspected that he would have moved on, and that was something that she could not handle.

“I only speak the truth” she told her friend, smiling at her reserve. Scarlett was always one to compliment her friends, on their intelligence, personality, or their beauty; gender aside, she always agreed that they deserved to know of their accomplishments, and she often added, that is someone was doubting themselves, then such a compliment could very well improve their current mind-set, and such a change would surely only be construed as a good thing. She smiled and nodded as her friend spoke, listening intently as they strolled slowly together away from the tree, with no real direction in mind. “I’m glad that you’re back, and I’m glad that I am as well. I think this academy makes us who we are, and I can’t think of a better place to be. And I’ll be biased and say that I don’t want you to be anywhere else either” she told her, an amused and teasing smile upon her plump lips, the positive colour of her skirt seeming to seep into her, making her happier than she had been for a while, or perhaps that was merely the effect of her friend? “I know things are hard..” the blonde added, pausing in her step to look at her friend, her facial features etched in concern, and what was that other emotion? Hope. “They’ve been hard for me too. And I think that if we confide in each other, we can help each other become stronger, and that’s all I want” she wanted to be strong again, to be able to go a few hours without having that feeling, that compressed … the feeling of being claustrophobic in a wide open space, the despair of having lost people that were once so dear to her. She felt… she didn’t know the word for it. But she felt like something was missing. Like someone was missing from her. Tu me manques. The French seemed so much more elegant. “My absence?” she question before she shrugged ever so dramatically, as if to physically remove the question from her person. “It wasn’t very enjoyable, but I suppose that’s life” Scarlett told her noncommittally, it wasn’t something that she wanted to talk about right at that moment; she wanted to know about her friend. No gentlemen, and at that moment, the blonde felt a bit like a fool for even bringing it up, it may have been sensitive to her friend, and she had made light conversation of it. That wasn’t something that a true friend did. “I’d like for it to be a new start… for both of us” she told Asahria, smiling ever so slightly as they walked on slowly, before her smile started to fade, because she knew that she’d have to tell her friend everything. She had to bare her soul in order to heal, and her friend had to do the same. “My mother was ill. That’s why I left. I had to take care of her, and take care of the house… she died last year, and I couldn’t cope. So I stayed away to deal with it all, and I thought I had, but here… being back here brought everything back”



---- outfit `` x
---- words ``eight seven seven
---- notes `` ugh. feels.
---- tags `` ria love

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[asahria ryek']

if people were rain
i was a drizzle and she was a hurricane

Arms curled tightly about her middle as she walked alongside her friend, blue eyes drinking in the scenery. The days were growing longer and warmer. She was glad to see that winter was slowly losing its grasp. Gentle wisps of sunlight broke through the clouds looming overhead and fought against tendrils of ice choking the life from everything it touched. Asahria had always believed winter to be a season filled with beauty, everything so crystalline and pure. She had since outgrown such a view filled with such childish innocence. Winter was a season of death, tearing the life from everything it touched. Winter had taken her mother from her, just as it had taken life from the very grounds which surrounded her. Just like everything else blanketed by the cold, Asahira was frozen. She’d covered her heart in a shield of ice.

Upon returning to Beauxbaton’s she’d since felt the first stirrings of spring, the small slivers of sunlight allowing for warmth. Thcold was finally making a long awaited retreat, albeit slowly, in resignation at having been invaded. It’d been so long since she’d felt such warmth, having let her heart reside in the cold for so long. Her home had been like a perpetual winter, weighing her under the ice of heartbreak and disappointment. Here again in Scarlett’s presence she could finally again feel warmth, melting away the layers of ice. The girl’s simple compliment having been enough to bring a warm smile to Asahria’s features. It was comforting to know that there was something left beneath all the ice. That given some time and a little patience her heart would beat again, welcoming life as opposed to shielding itself from the very idea.

I still wonder sometimes how it is that you were sorted into Sournois. She remarked offhandedly. Asahria meant nothing by the comment it was just that she’d never met someone with such sweet disposition – one such disposition that was not a common trait for those whom belonged to Sournois. It seemed that time did not change all things, but she wondered if winter had managed to snake tendrils of ice over Scarlett’s heart as well. It had been long since the two had spoken and while outwardly Scarlett looked no different, Asahria wondered what changes her friend had suffered inside. Her continued words being enough to tell Asahria know that she had been weakened as well. Something in her absence had changed her.

I don’t think I could have spoken truer words. she returned, noting the sudden color which took in Scarlett’s cheek. Though their meeting had just begun, it had been warming for them both, allowing them both to retrieve some of the happiness which had been so long forsaken. Beauxbaton’s was a home to them all, some more than most. There had been a time before the two had retreated, a time when life had been bright for them both. It was hard thinking back on those days and knowing so much had changed, but she wondered if they might possibly have it again. We belong here. Life was so much brighter before I left here. Then of course, friends like you have that effect. She said, a soft laugh escaping her lips. It really hadn’t been so long ago that they had been immersing themselves in each other’s company, busying themselves with parties and study groups. It was that warmth and joy for life that Asahria wanted back, for both of them. She turned her gaze on her friend as she paused in step, blue eyes searching hers in turn. Asahria could see the difference in her eyes as she spoke, confirming that her absence had too been a difficult one. It warms my heart knowing we’ve got each other. I needed you to get myself sorted again. Besides what better time is there for a new start. It’s nearly spring. She beckoned, happy at the thought of new life, even though it was bittersweet. It would be hard to let go of everything which had held her back for so long, but maybe it was time that she grew as well. It will be lovely here and so many opportunities. We’ll make a go of it, just like old times.

Asahria let her hand find Scarlett’s as she spoke gripping her hand firmly in her own, if only to give her a moment’s comfort in her tale. She had not been wrong in assuming that things had vastly changed for her friend as well. She’d not known Scarlett’s mother, but in some ways knew her to be similar to her own. Mothers were all similar in some fashion, but she knew that her mother’s death would have taken a toll on Scarlett. I’m so sorry Lettie. She spoke, immediately, knowing she too would have to share. My mother also passed recently. The words were simple, but she felt they were enough. Grieving was different for them all, but they were in a similar enough place to know what was masked behind the words. Sure enough winter had taken its toll and had taken more than one heart as a victim.



---- outfit `` here
---- words `` eight five nine
---- notes `` seriously..
---- tags ``lovely lettie